Grandchildren are a delight, everyone will agree. I have enjoyed being a grandmother for almost 11 years however the grandchildren from my son, the son I lost to adoption, are an added joy, an unexpected second chance. I cannot express in words what my heart feels when I look at the two children my son has given me to love as a grandmother.
This summer I spent a short few days with them. For the longest time I was content to sit and watch the interactions between my son and his children. He really is a wonderful father. I couldn't help but wonder how it would have been to have raised him, to have heard his giggles of delight or his emphatic "no" as a two year old. Watching and wondering became overwhelming at one point. I knew if I sat much longer I would have started to cry. At that point I just wanted to be alone with my grandchildren. I asked him if I could take them for a walk to the park.
We took our time, stopping to see every rock and every flower along the way. We held hands and laughed and for a few minutes I was the teenager living a dream. I struggled to remember these are not my children but I realized fully they were my second chance at mothering my son. I pushed them on the swing, caught them as they flew down the slide and we climbed on all seven teeter-totters! It was the best part of my whole vacation.
When we came back to my son's house almost two hours later I think I saw a look in his eye that also wondered if walks to the park would have been a part of the "if" I had raised him. It solidified my relationship with my grandchildren to be sure. I was the grandmother who took them to the park! But it also established a picture in my son's mind of who I am... the grandmother to his children, the woman who was related to him not just through blood but also through a thread far stronger than any imbilical cord.
Grandchildren do much for us. They keep us young at heart and they allow us second chances. Living through this thing call adoption reunion is like walking an uncharted path. I would never have dreamt that holding my granddaughter's wee hand or pushing my tiny grandson on a swing would have healed my spirit as much as it did.
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