Adoption Reunion Work

Reunion is hard work.

Reunion is almost as hard as giving birth. It certainly takes longer no matter how long your labour and delivery may have been. I would not change being in reunion for anything no matter how hard the work is but for the record I don't think I have ever done anything so difficult in my life.

I was found after I started to search....that sounds like a contradiction but really it is very truthful. I had put out my name and my availability so to speak and it just happened that someone made the right connections to an adoptee that just happened to be my son. Fate, maybe; coincidence, perhaps; divine intervention; more than likely.

One late night I sat at my new computer in my dark bedroom trying to type quietly while my husband slept only a few feet away in the bed. The new year was coming up to the year 2000 and there was much talk of computer crashes and end of the world things happening. I didn't know much about computers but I was learning fast about all the different adoption sites, especially ones that you could place your name and the birth date of your child on in hopes there would be a connection.

I listed myself on a few sites and was content to think that some day my son would find it there and arrive on my doorstep. On that particular night in late December I wanted to see what a small town in Northern Ontario might have listed on the world wide web! It was this small town that my birthmother's heart told me my son lived. I had no reason other than my heart's whispering to think this was the place. I had no information that would have identified this town. All I had was my gut feeling everytime I passed it on the Trans Canada Highway. I would get jittery, feel a cold chill up my backbone and would always think about my son.

This particular night surfing the web I decided to see if it was listed. Sure enough, a few strokes of the keyboard and there is was. There was a library site that showed pictures of the town and it even had a guest sign in page. Boldly I signed in and wrote a small paragraph stating the birthdate of my son, the city of birth and the fact that I knew he had older sibblings, considerably older. I remember sitting for a minute before pushing "send". Then with a prayer I sent it off.

Reunion is hard work. It is not about the doing of the things to bring about reunion that makes it hard. It is working through the stuff that happens afterwards. Had I known that sending that posting in the guest book would have resulted in meeting my son I would have sent it off in a heartbeat. Knowing the hard work that I would have to endure, the oceans of tears and the burning pain caused by recalled memories, I may not have been so quick. I am a person who tries to avoid pain at all cost. Would I have done it anyway? In a word, yes. But I am glad I didn't know the pain when I started.

My granddaughter has just started walking. I suspect it was good she did not know how much it would hurt to learn this simple mode of transportation. It was good she didn't know in advance that she would fall and those falls would hurt. If she did she may be still scooting around on her butt, propelling herself on one arm. I suppose I am glad I did not know how painful and how difficult adoption reunion would be. But I am glad I am there.

After my guest book posting was sent it sat in the guest book for a number of months. On day, around Easter of the year 2000 a homesick young man on the other side of the world was also surfing the world wide web. Like me, he wanted to see what was listed about this small Northern Ontario town. When he read through the virtual guest book he saw my post and immediately knew the person being written about was a friend of his.

From the other side of the world the wheels were set in motion. The reunion did not happen for more five years after that. Those five years were a part of the hard work in the journey too but as I reflect back, the waiting was a time to gather strength that would be needed for when the real work of reunion would begin after the first face to face meeting.

Reunion is hard work. Reunion does not fix the loss or stop the grieving for the years that are forever gone. It is a constant moving forward and what was the past is only the canvass that the future is painted on. The next part of the story will come in future posts. I hope you will read them, comment on them and gain courage and hope for what you need in your life from them.