Live as if Mom to...

There does not seem to be any end to the feelings of despair that often come to walk along side of adoption reliquishment and reunion. Sometimes joy will join the journey for a time. More often anger, resentment or fear will be the sojourners. Today I feel I travel alone in saddness, yet I know that hundreds if not thousands join my walk. The walk is more like a fall night running through a maze-in-corn! You cannot see over the tops of the growth that represents the trials, nor can you see beyond where the next curve will take you.
A single judge in Ontario has vetoed the Adoption Disclosure law that had opened records for all those adults who wanted to make a choice for information. A single judge was able to decide the fate of those who slept last night in hope. A single judge, just one man, was able to decide that what a government, elected by the people, thought was right was really not acceptable and to side with a minority. He sided with a minority of three adoptees and one adopting parent who could not accept that their rights were really not being trampled on through the maze. The minority felt the need to speak for others. I for one do not need someone to speak for me. That happened 37 years, 5 months and 16 days ago when I was not allowed to speak about what I wanted or what I thought was best. Back then a minority and a single judge, just one man, decided for me. I remember standing before that faceless judge, filled with a shame that had been imposed upon me and listened while he told me I was being stripped of all rights I had to a child that my body had nourished and incubated for nine months. He told me I had no rights left to love this child bound to me by more that just a umbilical cord.

Unlike the countless mothers who have had no contact with their children, I have been in a successful reunion with my son for 2 years now. I do feel badly for all those who are hurting from the decision this one judge in Ontario has delivered. Like a blow directly to the heart he has managed to reaffict what was rendered many years before.

The application I sent off on Monday was received in Thunder Bay yesterday. I have the printed proof. Now it likely is sitting in a file on someone's desk while the government and the law attempt to be omnipotent. I have no voice. I am just the woman, who was a girl, who had a child that was lost to adoption because the law attempted to be omnipotent!
For me this new law would have allowed me to put in place one of the final pieces in puzzle but I can live with that peice missing because I have the most important peices. Perhaps as the days go by I can reassess my thoughts and feelings about this latest development. Meanwhile I will try to count my blessings, live in the times when joy and peace and contentment join me on this journey called reunion.
For those women who are heartbroken my only advice is to never, never give up hope. Never give up your claim as a first mom, a natural mom, as just "Mom". You may be missing important pieces of the puzzle because they have been taken from you but the peice of being mom they cannot take from you. You are the Mother of a daughter or a son. The cord of love is far stronger than any umbilical cord cut at birth or thread of law that might be changed or challenged to severe a connection. Keep the faith. If our children were adopted with the clause "as if born to" we should live "as if Mom to"......

My first post was about, what a change a day can make. All I can think of is WHAT A DIFFERNCE A DAY CAN MAKE! Tomorrow is a new day and those who are fighting our cause will be in my prayers.